Honesty...for Junior, it's pretty much the ONLY policy.

My son is, at times, disarmingly honest, which makes him like almost every other kid his age.  (Except better.  Because he is mine.)  And so when he tells me I look beautiful, I thank him, because I know he really, truly means it.  He thinks his mom is beautiful - and who am I to try and correct that?

That honesty also makes for some stunning critiques.  I would call them harsh, if he were an adult, but he's not, so they usually just make me laugh.  Every once in awhile, he comes out with a real jewel, and I collect them - one, because they are funny, and two, because when he is grown I plan on using them as a central part of keeping him close by.  (Oh, you want to go away to college?  It's because of my morning breath, isn't it?  Oh God, it is!  IT IS!!!)

Here are some of my favorite criticisms and compliments.  You're welcome.

JUNIOR'S OBSERVATIONS ON MY FACE AND HAIR

"I like your face better when you put your make-ups on."

"What are those called?"
"Laugh lines."
"QUIT LAUGHING."

"Mommy.  Open your eyes.  Wider.  WIDER."  (Shaking head, disappointed.)  "Never mind."

"Does your hair hurt?"
"No."
"Is it sick?"
"No."
"Oh."

"Mommy, you are beautiful."  (That one never gets old.)  

JUNIOR'S OBSERVATION ON MY HOUSEKEEPING / COOKING / PARENTING

"Mommy, you are an awesome steam mopper. It's why I love you."

"Son, please eat."
"I think no."
"Eat your dinner."
"Cook better.  Maybe -uuuuuhhhhhh - some noodles or something."

"YOU LOVE TO VACUUM AND THE VACUUM LOVES YOU!"

"Daddy's job is to work.  My job is to play.  Your job is to say 'good job!'"

"You're doing it wrong.  DO IT LIKE THIS."

JUNIOR'S OBSERVATIONS ON MY HYGIENE

"Oh, Mommy, did you shower?  Yay!  Yay for Mommy!"  (For the record, I shower every day.  Almost.)

"I like your legs.  They are furry."  (Strokes them gently.)  "Say 'meow,' Mommy.  Mommy.  Mommy.  Say 'meow.'  MOMMY.  SAY 'MEOW,' MOMMY!"
"Meow."
"Thank you."

Upon waking me up: "Good morn - oh, Mom.  Your breath is not fresh."
"Well, son -"
"Stop.  Don't breathe."

People tell me my son is funny.  I agree.  I think, though, for the most part, most kids his age are naturally funny.  They are funny without meaning to be, which makes it even funnier.  It makes it hard to correct, though - but lately, we've had to have some talks about when it's okay to be so honest; or, as we call it, full-on Junior.  (As in, "Dad, we need to have another talk because someone went full-on Junior at some lady at Big V CountryMart" or "That lady is lucky I didn't go full-on Junior on her ass.")  We tell him that not everyone appreciates it, that sometimes it's better to say things in our head, and tell Mommy about it later.  It's a new lesson, and a hard one.  For all of us.  He has no filter, and it's a big task, helping him develop one.  Honesty is praised...but then, there really does seem to be the idea that you can be too honest.

"Don't breathe."  I laughed so hard over that one.  With my hand over my mouth.  On the way to the bathroom.  To brush my teeth.