He wasn't always this way. When he was little, he would eat almost anything that I put in front of him. Cantaloupe? Thanks, Mom! Diced up raw bell peppers? Super. Tomatoes fresh from Papa's garden? He'd eat them like an apple. "Oh, a dinner invitation? Great. Oh, no, don't worry about making something separate for the baby - he eats what we eat!"
How proud. How smug. How short-lived.
His palate started shrinking around 17 months, and at first, I had no concerns. Oh, baby doesn't want fresh avocado? No worries. You don't want that organic plum that costs twice as much as a normal one? Okay, here's some banana. And before I even fully grasped what was happening, he was down to about 15 or 20 foods that he would eat. Now I only wish there were 15 or 20 foods he would eat.
And it's not just traditionally "yucky" things like vegetables. My kid won't eat pancakes. Or chocolate cake, for that matter. He eschews more traditional kid-fare, the old stand-bys. Hot dogs? "Bisgusting." Mac and cheese? Nope. Chicken nuggets...sometimes. And only from McDonald's. Yes, I have kept the box and tried to put different nuggets in there. No, it did not work. Speaking of McDonald's - french fries? That's a big no, too. Who doesn't like McDonald's french fries?
My kid. That's who.
Sometimes he will try new foods. In stages. First, he smells it. That's a big step. Then he licks it. That's huge. Taking a bite is obviously the third step. Sometimes we don't get there. But sometimes we do. And when we do, he usually gags. He'll lick a peeled plum or apple slices all damn day, but actually chewing it? No, Mom. That's bisgusting. Are you nuts?
(Nuts are also bisgusting, by the way. Even to include peanut butter. Flipping peanut butter.)
We have gone old-school - you eat what's offered, or you go hungry. He goes hungry. I have tried giving him control - allowed him to pick out new things at the grocery store himself. No. Bisgusting. I have had him help me prepare his food. No. Bisgusting. Fun, but still bisgusting. I have tried "hiding" new food into acceptable food...only to have Junior recognize the difference, begin to gag, and then refuse to eat the previously-acceptable food for months. I have made food into shapes, into boats, into faces, increasingly difficult and elaborate presentations. I serve food in muffin tins, each item chosen for looks as much as taste.
So, for your pleasure, I have collected a few of Junior's favorite recipes in order to share with you.
SCRAMBLED EGG (Difficulty: Intermediate)
1 egg
2 tbsp. milk
1/2 slice American cheese
Help Mom crack the egg. Help Mom stir in the milk. Beat egg and milk thoroughly. Make a mess as you do so. Tear the cheese into strips and add. Help Mom spray a pan with cooking spray. Dance with happy anticipation as Mom cooks it. Allow to cool on plate. Scream bloody murder when it becomes apparent that you are expected to eat it. Demand frosted shredded mini-wheat, name-brand only, milk separate. Enjoy!
FRUIT SALAD (Difficulty: Beginner)
Fruit
Go to the store with Mom. Gasp in apparent delight when told you can pick out whatever fruits you want. Find something with a slick skin - apples are fine, but think plums and grapes, as well. In fact, insist on grapes. Grapes are great. Tell Mom you love grapes. Help Mom wash them off. Put them in your favorite bowl. Eye them with growing mistrust and distaste, slowly curling your lip. Compromise - convince Mom you will eat them if she peels them, but ask in the cutest way possible - consider something like "Make them nakey, Mom, and then I will eat them really, really good." Applaud her efforts as she carefully peels each one. Encourage her to stick toothpicks in all of them. But only blue toothpicks. Allow Mom to encourage, beg, bargain, plead. After 30 minutes, lick one. Ask for noodles.
WHOLE WHEAT TOAST w/ NUTELLA (Difficulty: Beginner)
One slice whole wheat bread
Nutella
Sprinkles
Preparation is done in secret, but results in a piece of whole wheat bread that has been toasted, cut into a circle, with a hole punched out of the middle, spread with something that Mom says is chocolate, but isn't. It is not a doughnut, either. You will not be fooled. Remind Mom that you hate bread. And that the only acceptable chocolate is Hershey's. But...ask for sprinkles - you might eat it if it has sprinkles. Just kidding. You won't. It's still bread. And you hate bread. Demand white crackers (Saltines). Enjoy!
PIZZA (Difficulty: Intermediate)
English Muffin
Pizza Sauce
Shredded cheese
Various toppings
Carefully spread pizza sauce over English muffin. Enthuse about the "Bubby-sized" pizza. Sprinkle shredded cheese over top. Reject all other toppings firmly. Dance around the kitchen, laughing and clapping while your Bubby-sized pizza cooks. Allow to cool on plate. Once Mom indicates that you are to eat it, begin to cry. Demand a slice of American cheese. Reject the first one on grounds that she unwrapped it. Accept second slice, wrapped.
TACOS (Difficulty: Intermediate)
Ground beef or turkey
Taco shells - yellow ones only
Shredded cheese
Various toppings
Help Mom assemble a taco, just for you. Follow her lead, be enthusiastic. YOU LOVE TACOS! Allow taco to remain untouched throughout dinner. Ask for a new taco. Fill only with one slice of American cheese. Bon appeitit!
VEGETABLE SURPRISE (Difficulty: Beginner)
Surprise! I won't eat them. Any of them. Ever. Lol.
You poor mother! I can't imagine how you handle that calmly! There may be humor in it, but Lord have mercy. I would be crying.
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