Mama and Daddy are counting off the days until your sister gets here...and at the same time, we are savoring the time we have left with you, while you are still the whole entirety of our universe. We are trying our best to cut out the "not now!" and the "hold on!" as if those sayings are part of a reservoir we may need to draw from later...because I know we will need to draw on it later.
But first, thank you.
You were the one who made me a mama. It was you that first laid in my womb, snug under my heart, and then later, laid on my chest, but still, snug, under my heart and always in my heart. I was scared, and clumsy, and clueless...
...I still often am.
And we do.
And although we have made a lot of mistakes - God knows we have - we know that we've managed to succeed in one area. You are confident in the love we have for you. When we first told you that you would be a big brother, you asked me if I would grow a second heart, for the second baby, because you were so certain that you occupied all of the one that I have.
And you are right.
But my heart will remain singular, as will Daddy's. So let Mama explain something to you.
A parent's love is elastic, and grows rather than shifts. I need you to understand that, especially once Sister gets here, and it seems as though she may have more of our attention.
And it will seem that way because she will have more of Mama's time at first, my sweet boy, and that's just a fact. Newborns are messy and needy, and she will keep me busy. She will have more of my time, but she will not have more of our hearts.
It's important to us that you know that.
We are so excited to see you become a big brother. The love you show for your sister even now, before she is born, delights us. You've been wondering how to convert the house to solar power since Christmas, worried that she may want to play with cords. You've asked that Daddy remove all magnets from the house, since they are such bad choking hazards.
You've also threatened to lasso her if she gets "too sassy" with you, but I suppose some of that is to be expected.
And so, in these last weeks, when it's still just us, we want you to know something else.
We would have never been brave enough to do this again, if it weren't for our love for you. The pregnancy, the delivery, the breastfeeding and sore boobs and sleepless nights and the worry, my goodness, the worry...the late nights and early mornings and the midnight ER runs because of fevers, the strict adherence to a nap schedule because of a tiny tyrant and the fount of projectile vomiting little ones have a habit of morphing into at 3 a.m. We couldn't do the agony of scraped knees and lost teeth and the first time a child comes home with hurt feelings...
And this time, we can't claim ignorance. We actually know what we're getting ourselves into.
But we know that all of that, all of it, is nothing compared to that first, wide-mouthed, gummy kiss. Or chubby arms outstretched from the floor, asking to be held. Or the first time she will say "Mama..." Did I ever tell you about the first time you said it? I remember it so clearly because, you see, my heart stopped.
These last seven years are an endless string of those heart-stopping moments. Moments that made our breath catch, moments where we laughed until we cried. There has been 7 years of dancing in the kitchen and blowing bubbles on the deck, of bubble baths that ended in tidal waves and watching your perfect face as you sleep.
Some nights, your daddy and I lay together, holding hands, and we ask, "What's your favorite thing that he is doing right now?"
There has been seven years of you, son. You came along and made us a family. We need you to remember that. You delight our very souls.
You've made us brave enough to do it all again, because when we look at you, our own sweet boy, we know it's all worth it.
Thank you.
With all of our love, from our singular but growing hearts,
Mama and Daddy
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